An analysis done using pure Leftist Logic
By Michael Sheehan-Moore
Charles Johnson has become more and more famous over the years. Millions of people visit his site, Little Green Footballs, every day. He makes guest appearances on TV networks all the time. Chicks dig him. But is there more to it than meets the eye? Is there a dark side to the man they call Charles "The Lizard King" Johnson? It is the same as asking if Mahmoud Ahmadenajad is a loveable, nice-smelling sane person. Or if going on a smoothie-only diet is "fasting". The answer is yes.
The first place to look for answers is, of course, LGF. Here his minions or "lizardoids" or "lizards" go about commenting on Charles' plans for world domination, talking to each other in secret code, and getting newcomers to do the same.
There is a disturbing lack of respect for Leftist ideals on LGF. Consider the following comments, made in response to something which Charles posted and agreed with:
"I disagree too."
I'm with you."
#23 Killgore Trout
"All of these people disagree with the editor, the owner of the site! I mean, if someone disagrees with me on my site, which is the DailyKos by the way, please visit... As I was saying, if someone disagrees with me on my site, I would promptly ban him and delete all his posts. But Charles does nothing about these people! If Charles won't stop them, who will? Will they roam free forever voicing their opinions and disagreements? I tell you, Charles just doesn't care about the ideals and principles of the Left!" says Markos "Screw Them" Zuniga, editor of the DailyKos.
But what is even more disturbing is that Charles has complete control over his lizard minions. They do his bidding and worship him, and tell others to do the same. Consider this comment by a lizard named Bad Penny, in response to a new lizard:
" ... we're supposed to call him "Masssster"; at least until his plans for world domination are complete. Then we won't be allowed to address him at all. Or make eye contact with him..."
There are many more similar comments like this, addressing Charles as "The Lizard King", "Lord Charles", "Lizard Master", etc. But slips like these, where lizards forget to use secret codes, or get too close to knowledge they shouldn't have, can have dire consequences.
Consider what happened to a commentator, FlyingTigress, who stumbled too close to the truth:
"OMG...I figured it out!
This is a plot to divert attention from our intervention with the Joooooos in Lebanon which is a diversion of attention from the increasing evidence in MIHOP/LIHOP theories on 9/11 which is a diversion away from the soon-to-be stolen election of 2006 which is a diversion..."
"Help! Lord Rove's evil brown shirts are dragging me away from the
THIS IS YOUR BUSH,INC CAREGIVER SERVICES. Ms FT HAS BEEN CARRIED AWAY FOR HER OWN PROTECTION. PLEASE IGNORE HER POST #49. PLEASE MOVE ALONG. THERE IS NOTHING TO SEE HERE."
It seems that Charles got his pal Karl Rove over at BushInc to do his dirty work for him.
"All these people did was disagree with Charles! I mean, if someone disagrees with me on my site, which is the DailyKos by the way, please visit... As I was saying, if someone disagrees with me on my site, I would listen to them and give them the utmost respect. But Charles just removes these people! If Charles keeps stopping them, what will happen to free speech? Will people never be able to voice their opinions and disagreements? I tell you, Charles just doesn't care about the ideals and principles of the Left!" says Markos "Screw You" Zuniga, editor of the DailyKos.
But what of the recent allegations that Markos is in favor of banning dissenters and allegedly said "If someone disagrees with me on my site, I would promptly ban him and delete all his posts"?
"Lies! That is just Charles Johnson trying to defame me!" says Markos "Screwed Up" Zuniga
Indeed it seems all that Charles is doing is trying to defame people (besides taking over the world); is he doing anything worthwhile for society?
"No", says Markos, "he is doing nothing worthwhile, unlike me."
Indeed, Markos is doing very important work.
"Since the newspapers have that Truth to Power thing, I decided I needed something like that too. So I initiated Kos Raging Against Power, or KRAP. See how brilliant I am? How important my work is? All my work is KRAP. All I do is KRAP. I am Kos, Raging Against Power! I am KRAP! And Charles is jealous, and that is why he is trying to defame me."
Another one of Charles' recent defamation victims has been Green Helmet Guy, a poor peaceful Lebanese emergency services worker. But why?
Look at the following composite photograph carefully.
Here it is flipped horizontally.
Here it is turned upside-down.
Here is an enlarged version.
All of this proves one thing, as Adnan Hajj, a visual and photography expert, tells us:
"When I first saw it, I just couldn't believe it!" he says . "They look nothing whatsoever alike!"
And this is damning evidence for the fact that Charles Johnson and Green Hemet Guy are one and the same.
"It just shows you how careful Charles was; he didn't want anyone to know it was him. No wonder they look so different!" adds Adnan.
What could the purpose be for such obvious deception?
"He wanted to make us believe that the poor innocent peaceful Muslims have no respect for their dead. Hah! They have huge respect for their dead. In fact, for many of them their highest ambition is to be dead one day, even making others dead along with them! Doesn't Charles himself quote them saying they love death more than we love life?"
"And then he tries this. But I'm too smart to be fooled!" says Markos "Screw Loose" Zuniga.
And this leads to another disturbing thought: the whole persona of Charles Johnson could be a cover too. On some websites Charles is described as a musician; on others, his hobby is bicycling. But we know he can't be both, because musicians and bicyclists hate each other. This was proven during the Musician-Bicyclist War, for his role in which John Kerry won the Purple Lung. (Bush, however, was AWOL)
But then, the question arises, who is pretending to be Charles Johnson?
As a new and obviously naive commentator asks on LGF:
"Has anyone ever seen Charles Johnson and Karl Rove in the same room at the same time?"
Indeed. Has anyone?